I looked into her eyes, she looked back at mine and then smiled, I kept looking at her. I loved doing it. I loved starring into her eyes without blinking, without moving, without saying a word but this time it was different.
My hands were sweating, my heart was pumping as if it was trying to get out of my chest.
I was in love.
For the first time in my life, I felt like my life was where I wanted it to be.
To me, love had been the answer to all my problems. Up until this moment, I had always assumed that when I fall for someone, my life will be completed.
I supposed this is how way life works. I just had to find my princess and everything would fall into its place.
How our society views love
Nowadays, we put love on a pedestal as the ultimate goal. Since childhood, we constantly get exposed to romantic movies and fairy tales.
We believe that love is going to fix all our problems, that love is the point of life and the only experience worth living for. We think that only when we feel our hearts beating for someone, only then, life has a point and we could be truly happy.
However, life, often doesn’t work the way we think it should.
What is love
Imagine yourself as a caveman 20,000 years ago.
You’ve just had your first child with your mate. Now, for the newborn to have higher chances to survive while growing up, it needs its parents to consistently provide food, care, and safety until it grows mature enough to be able to do it by himself.
However, if the parents do not stay together during these 10-15 years the child’s chances to survive become slim to zero. And here is exactly where love comes into play.
Love is a human drive that has evolved millions of years ago to start the mating process and to help maintain the relationship between two peoplelonger. The point of it, is to ensure that the future generations have higher chances of survival.
What we all see as a sign from the universe; is simply a tool of the evolution to give us better chances at sustaining our population.
Of course, when we look at love like that, love becomes dry and boring but this could be helpful in certain situations when we need to sober up.
When love can be a problem
To be in love is probably one of the most amazing things human being can experience. But love by itsefl is never the fix to all our problems because this is not what love is.
Love makes us do stuff we don’t usually do, but not because it makes us naive but rather, it hooks our brains by making us feel good about ourselves. It makes us feel special and important. It fills up all the emptiness we have inside.
The problem emerges when we decide to base our self-worth and happiness on something external, a feeling that’s completely out of our control and when that happens, we usually end up crying at the end in the corner.
Love shouldn’t be our life’s goal
Maybe, you have a similar story, yet this still doesn’t discourage you to continue running after the emotional high you once experienced.
You continuously search for someone else to make you feel better, jumping from one partner to another in a search for even higher and stronger emotions.
And when your entire sense of self-esteem doesn’t come from the inside but from your partner, everytime you two have an issue going on, it’ll make you feel as if your whole world is falling apart.
For years I went out every day with one singe goal – to talk to girls. For such a long time I was totally obsessed about having a few girls to date. I did all of this because I wanted to ramp up my low self-esteem, I wanted to feel good about myself.
But my true goal was to different. I simply wanted to feel cherished and appreciated.
Once I was able to find this feeling from the inside. Once I was able to feel that emotional void with something different than external emotions life changed.
How to fix your life
Life is so much more than love and one of the most liberating things in life is realizing that searching for love is successful as searching for happiness.
The more you go after it the more miserable you become.
I’m not advocating you don’t ever go out again what I’m saying is get on with loving your own life first.
Read all the books you wanted to read. Learn to enjoy the time you spent with yourself. Do all things you always wanted to do and become the person that you want to be.
It’s that simple.