Why love isn’t the answer to our problems
I looked into her eyes, she looked back at mine and then she smiled, I kept looking at her. I loved doing it. I loved sitting there, starring into her eyes without blinking, without moving, without saying a word but this time it was different.
My hands were sweating, my heart was pumping as if it was trying to get out of my chest.
I was in love.
For the first time in my life, I felt like my life was where I wanted it to be.
To me, love had been the answer to all my problems. Up until this moment, I had always assumed that when I truly fall for someone, my life will be completed.
I supposed this is the way life works. I just had to find my princess and everything would fall into its place.
Little did I know about life back then.
How our society views love
Nowadays, we put love on a pedestal as the ultimate goal. Since childhood, we constantly get exposed to romantic movies and fairy tales.
We believe that love is going to fix all our problems, that love is the point of life and the only experience worth living for. We think that only when we feel our hearts beating fast for someone else, only then, life has a point and we could be truly happy.
However, life way too often doesn’t work the way we think it should.
What is love
Imagine yourself as a caveman 20,000 years ago.
You’ve found a mate and she just gave a birth to your child. Now, for the newborn to have higher chances to survive while growing up, it needs its parents to consistently provide food, care, and safety until it grows mature enough to be able to do it by himself.
However, if both parents decides to not together during this long process, the child’s chances to survive decline drastically and here is where love comes into play.
Love is a human drive that has evolved millions of years ago to start the mating process and to, later on, maintain for a longer period the relationship between two people. This is so that the future generations have higher chances of survival.
The whole point here is what we all see as a sign from the universe; is a tool of the evolution to give us better chances at sustaining our population.
When love can be a problem
To be in love is probably one of the most amazing things human being can experience. But love by itsefl isn’t the thing that will fix your problems because this is not what love is, this is an addiction.
You’re confused, I know but let me explain.
Love makes us do stuff we wouldn’t normally do, not because we are naive but rather, it gets us hooked by making us feel good about ourselves. It makes us feel special and important. It fills up the emptiness we have inside.
The problem emerges when we decide to base our self-worth and happiness on something external, a feeling that’s completely out of our control and when that happens, we usually end up crying in the corner.
Love shouldn’t be your life’s goal
Maybe, you have a similar story, yet this still doesn’t discourage you to continue running after the emotional high you call love.
You continuously search for someone else to make you feel better, jumping from one partner to another in a search for even higher and stronger emotions.
And when our entire sense of self-esteem doesn’t come from inside yourself but rather, it comes from your partner, everytime you two have an issue going on, it’ll make you feel as if the whole world is falling apart.
And losing it, it’s going to mean that you are a failure. Your life is going to lose its point. And until you realize it, you’ll become an addict in need of a drug to survive.
For years I went out every day with one goal, to talk to girls. For such a long time I was totally obsessed about having a few girls to date on the weekend. And besides the fact that I did all of this because I wanted to ramp up my low self-esteem, my true goal was to feel cherished and appreciated. And only when I managed to this feeling inside myself, only then I learned how to love.
How to fix your life
Life is so much more than love and one of the most liberating things in life is realizing that searching for love is successful as searching for happiness.
The more you go after it the unhappiest you become.
I’m not advocating you don’t ever go out again what I’m saying is get on with loving your own life first.
Read all the books you wanted to read. Learn to enjoy the time you spent with yourself. Do all things you always wanted to do and become the person that you want to be.
You’re the only person that prevents you from having the life you want.
No one is coming to save you.
It’s that simple.
All it takes is a simple decision.