You have a great social life, a beautiful girlfriend, a lot of free time and a great job you love.
You have almost everything you ever wanted, yet you don’t feel good.
Sometimes you feel as if you have an empty whole inside. It is one distinct feeling, which cannot be explained, it can only be felt.
And if you think there is something wrong with you.
Don’t, you’re fine.
I’ve used to be in your place and I managed to cross over to the other side. This article tries to explain why it happens and how I manage to fix it.
Why do I write about this
I don’t really remember how or when it all started. At one point I acknowledged the void and began obsessing myself over because it made me think there is something inherently wrong with me.
The feeling used to go away every time I had something to be happy about and come back every time I struggled. Years passed away, during which I called it “depression”, “bad temper” or just told myself some bullshit like
”I’m just a moody person and that’s who I am”.
Yet, at some point life kicked me down and started to punch me hard in the face and I found myself in a deep hole full of misery. That was the moment I had enough and decided to learn how to prevent myself from going down the rabbit hole again.
I began researching the topic and soon realized that I was the one putting myself into that position
Every time I used to feel bad or lack motivation, I ate junk food, spent days playing video games or watched videos on Youtube for hours.
If somehow I managed to convince myself to be productive, the second someone called me to hangout was the second I bailed out.
Every time I didn’t feel like doing something I chose the easy exit.
Why do you feel this way
My theory is that the feeling comes from the high expectations you have of yourself and your inability to cope with them.
It comes from all the ways you live your life that’s not in line with your own values.
The terrible food you eat, the friends you hang out with even though you don’t really like them.
It comes from the victim mindset and that you hate working out.
It’s not as complex as it seems.
The accomplishments that all your acquaintances use to show off on social media only deepens your desire to shove your head somewhere deep.
If we add that you probably believe you’ll be successful or even millionaire and we have a recipe for a disaster.
Likely, deep down, you know you don’t do enough. You run away from doing the things that matter and go only after the easy, short-term ones that make you feel good.
How to cross over to the other side
The first and most important thing is a decision.
The decision to change your situation. Without having thought and made your choice, there’s no chance to turn around anything.
Oftentimes, when we’ve experienced an emotion for a long period, the feeling becomes ingrained in our identity and later, when we want to get rid of, it seems impossible.
That’s why it’s important to acknowledge there’s probably part of you that want you to feel the way you do, not because it hates you but rather it’s already in your comfort zone to feel that way.
Here’re the actionable steps you can take to change that.
Begin by developing self-awareness through asking yourself a ton of questions.
- What do I do now?
- Should I be doing this?
- Is there anything better I could do?
- Why am I eating this?
The purpose of these questions is to help you catch yourself everytime you do something you don’t want to.
You can do it right away, just question all your behaviors with “why“, at some point, you’ll have all the answers you need.
Once you learn to ask good questions and observe yourself, you’ll start to see clear patterns and will be able to break out of them.
The next thing I’ll advise you to go after is building up a discipline.
You’re probably thinking about discipline in a completely wrong way.
Jocko Willink is famous for saying “Discipline equals Freedom“.
When I first read that it completely changed the way I viewed discipline.
We don’t realize how much better off we’re going to be if we bring more discipline in our lives. How much more freedom we actually have once we’re in full control of the way we spend time.
And the truth is, everything worth doing is probably not going to be pleasant all the time.
Best way to start is to push yourself into doing something you hate.
Challenge yourself to make 100 push ups every day for a month or take cold showers for a month every morning.
The important here is to do something that’s uncomfortable every day.
I, for instance, began working out every single day only because I hated it and until I realized it I was able to push myself way more than before.
Leave the victimhood behind
By taming the voice in your head that keeps telling you that you’re the victim, you’ll be able to realize that we’re not what happens to us but we’re what we do about it.
The surest way to never become a victim is to always take full responsibility for everything that happens to you.
Sit down and look at your life. If you don’t like something, change it. If you don’t like your current situation think about all different ways you can improve it.
Sometimes all it takes is a belief in yourself, hard word and a leap of faith.
Fix your diet
This can get easily overlooked. There’s people that can function on all kinds of crappy diets and there’s people like me that get depressed after eating too much sugar.
Eating good will make will change the way you feel and that will make all the difference.
If this happens to you. It’s about time you start experimenting with your diet.
I’m not suggesting you jump to vegan or keto diets.
There are a few little changes that make a big impact.
- Start with cutting out sugar from your diet. If you really love it, eat black chocolate and bananas for a while.
- Don’t just try eating more vegetables but learn to cook delicious food with vegetables
- Cut out pasta, pizza, spaghetti, and most breads
- Don’t eat too much fruit
- Try to eat well 80% of the time, is actually easier than doing it 100% of the time
When trying to start eating healthy always remember that it’s for life and cheating here and there’s no big deal when looking at the big picture.
No better way to learn discipline than working out because working out is oftentimes not fun. Yet, it teaches you an important lesson: looking good has a price.
No better way to learn to take responsibility and escape victimhood. Working out it’s the ultimate taking charge of your situation by making yourself stronger which is the essence of all change.
No better way to eat healthy. It’s painful to ruin a good workout with horrible food.
The pivotal point that’s going to change everything for you is when you realize that doing things only for the sake of feeling good is actually making you feel awful in the long run.
When I began forcing myself into what needed to be done, it made me in a way appreciate the easy matter and thus the small things in life.
All that, actually made me feel happy because I stopped searching for happiness. I stopped rushing happiness through short-term gratification.
Once faced with the hard stuff and able to endure them, I could say I’m happy; because I stopped wasting my own time.
The best feeling in the world became me taking full control of my life.
Change your perspective
We tend to think we should always feel good, always be happy and when we don’t, we assume something is wrong with us.
And that’s where the problem lies.
See, life is hard and you should not expect to feel awesome during every second of it, you should not question why you don’t feel good but rather do something.
I have a proposal for you.
Every time you catch yourself using the word “happiness”, replace it with “satisfaction”.
We can always feel the satisfaction of having had a productive day. We can always be proud of ourselves for all the work we’ve done.
And this, is what we all should be striving for, every single day, every single minute.
Because nothing can ever be compared to laying down in your bed, right before falling asleep, knowing that you did everything you wanted to and you’re a step closer to where you want to be.